Why Is It ...

… that all of the sudden my neighbor hates me. At her garage sale I asked her  “How much for the angry gnome?” How was I supposed to know that was her kid.

… that my ducks are absolutely not in a row; I don’t even know where some of them are and I’m pretty sure one of them is a pigeon.

… that people don’t understand that they should never ask me for advice. I will just give you a shot of tequila and tell you life’s a bitch.

… that no one told me that as I get older the weather app will become a part of my routine.

… that I just want to experience one full day without getting irritated … like a limited time offer of inner peace.

… that while I may not put the sparkle in your eye, I am responsible for those WTF wrinkles in your forehead.

… that I one time I said, ‘I’m never getting out of this horrendous escape room’ amd my boss said,’You really have to stop saying that every time you clock out.

… that whenever I pick the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, I call it a Leg Day.

… that people should know that if they’ve ever felt that I don’t like them, for any reason, they should trust that feeling.

I Didn't Say It ...

Rob Halford, Judas Priest frontman, on marrying his now-husband Thomas after more than three decades together:

“I’d  given up asking when, suddenly on one of our night walks, [Thomas] goes, ‘I think we should get married.’ It was a very simple ceremony. Obviously, me and him, and an officiant. There were just four of us around the pool, around the cactus, the heavy metal cactus. And it was over in an instant. But it was just a beautiful, simple ceremony. It seems like you’ve completed something in your relationship [being married]. More than anything else, the commitment goes to another level when you get married. It’s a great thing to do. And if it doesn’t work, that’s life. But I think after being together for 35 years, it’s working. America is still incredibly homophobic. I’ve lived here for a long time and I’ve seen a lot happen since the ’80s, and it really gets me angry and upset.”

While the 74-year-old English musician — who came out publicly in 1988 — seems to be enjoying wedded bliss, he also expressed dismay at the lack of progress in LGBTQ+ acceptance in the heavy metal scene. Asked whether attitudes toward sexuality have changed over the years, Halford, who splits his time between the U.S. and the U.K., said that it depends on where you are.

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Adam Kinzinger, politician, former GOP Representative from Illinois and political commentator, offering a plan to help Ukraine with Russian funds:

“Here’s an idea. The West has held about $300 billion in Russian assets. They should release $2 billion a day to Ukraine until Russia stops the war, or they disperse it all. The Russia will have to accept that the war has an additional real cost per day.”

It sounds like a gran idea!!! Even Russia, and Putin, understand a kick to the wallet!

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Margaret Cho, comedian, calling out South Carolina GOP shrew Nancy Mace for using transphobia to advance her political career:

“Nancy Mace, you stupid bitch. The name ‘Mace’ is appropriate because every time you talk, it’s like pepper spray in my face. You are the worst. Every opportunity you get, you use to hurt trans people. Every time you open your mouth, trans people die. You’re killing trans people for no reason other than to further your political career. Like, you say you do this because you’re a survivor. You’re ‘a survivor’??! Fuck you. Like, who isn’t at this point? But you are the worst predator of all. Bottom of FormI don’t even think that you believe any of the things that you say. You’re just doing it to further your career, and that is the worst kind of thing.”

Cho gets Mace for exactly who she is, a hate-filled bigot spreading fear and lies to get elected. South Carolina can, and should, so better.

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Gustavo Petro, President of Columbia, on Cankles at the UN last week:

“There’s total immunity for presidents attending the assembly., and the US government cannot condition the opinion of the US. The fact that the Palestinian authority was not allowed entry and that my visa was revoked for asking the US and Israeli armies not to support a genocide, which is a crime against humanity, demonstrates that the US government no longer complies with international law. The United Nations headquarters cannot continue to be in New York.”

The world is standing up to Cankles, where are the American people??

Speak up! Resist!

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Ana Navarro, cohost of The View and political commentator, on her attacks on Cankles:

“I will calm down when the corrupt, pathological liar, narcissist, misogynist who peddles racism and threatens American values domestically and America’s standing abroad, is out of the White House. Until then … I will be offended. I will be outraged. I will speak out.”

Be like Ana! Offended, outraged, and screaming!

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Eric Swalwell, California Democrat Congressman, on politics after Cankles:

“I don’t say this lightly, when we escape the [Felon] Hell, there needs to be a Presidential Crimes Commission. It should be made up of independent prosecutors who look at those who enabled a corrupt president.”

 I don’t want the Democrats becoming like the Cankles Retribution Lists, but there needs to be accountability for those in office who enabled a criminal to run roughshod over this country.

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Jeff Hiller, out actor, on winning his first Emmy for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series for Somebody, Somewhere:

“I know it’s a cliché to say you don’t think you’d win but every single article that came out said there was no chance in hell I would win. And I believed them! So when I heard my name called out, I took a beat to make sure it really was my name. I didn’t want to stand up and walk to the podium if I hadn’t won. That’s really something you can’t live down. {Winning an Emmy] seemed like a fun and glamorous thing to happen but I like my vision board to be full of goals that I can work towards with concrete steps. I have no control over winning an award. Plus, I had done two seasons of a show I was very proud of, and the show was never recognized, so I sort of thought we were too small to receive awards attention, so I just never expected this. Which is not to say that I am not very much enjoying this wild ride. The other best thing about getting this Emmy is seeing how genuinely supportive and kind people have been. Every time I look at that meme [of his competitors in the category, Michael Urie, Bowen Yang, and Coleman Domingo, applauding him with delight], I tear up. People have been so sincere when they say congratulations. It makes me feel like a part of a beautiful community that celebrates each other, and I couldn’t be happier to be part of it.”

I saw his win and the whole thing, from his expression to the faces in the audience was just sheer joy. I have never seen his show, never even heard of it actually, but the joy … aaaaaaah.

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Bobservations

For this episode of Tales of Carlos I need to refresh your memories of his first baseball game. When we lived in Miami, Carlos’ boss took the entire staff and their spouses and significant others to a Marlins baseball game. I was excited because, as a kid, we often went to see the Giants play the Dodgers—Dad was a Dodgers fan—or see the Oakland A’s play, but Carlos had never been to a baseball game.

We’re at the stadium and—I forget who the Marlins were playing—the Marlins had the first at bat; three outs and the other team was up, and they had three outs and the first inning was over. Carlos stood up, stretched his legs and said:

“Great game.”

“Sweetie, it’s not over yet.”

“But both sides had a turn.”

A discussion of innings and the idea that there would be at least nine of them ensued. Now, cut to Tuesday morning, this week, and there was a news story on about a rapper and Carlos says:

“Pete Rose, the baseball player?”

“How do YOU know Pete Rose?” [And let's not even dive into why Carlos thought Pete Rose was a rapper]

“It’s a famous name.”

"But how do YOU know he was a baseball player?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know innings.”

The man slays even when he’s not trying.

This Tuxedo Says is from April 22, 2021: Tuxedo is also overjoyed at the idea that, somewhere in Mar-a-Lago, Thing #45 is throwing an epic hissy fit.

And it’s stunning to see that, no matter how things change, history repeats:

I don’t know who came up with this idea, but whoever thought of having cakes on cakes is an absolute genius!

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t pay six bucks to see Lionel Richie in concert but if I paid six hundred dollars to see him and all I got was an hourlong interview of Richie with Robin Roberts talking about his new book, I’d be in jail about now. But that happened this week when fans … seriously? … showed up at a Times Square concert venue for “Truly: An Evening of Lionel Richie and Friends.”

And now they are clamoring for their coins back … y’all should’a asked me first, I’d charge you just sixty bucks apiece to listen to me.

Sidenote: yes, the poster for the event says, “In conversation on his memoir,” but his Vegas residency is also called “Truly: An Evening of Lionel Richie and Friends” so I understand the confusion.

But again, they wanted 600 bucks a person to hear him talk?

The same guy telling pregnant women to 'tough it out' has been complaining about climbing one flight of stairs now for three days straight.

I have been painting the sunroom for the past few days. I was just going to do the ceiling since we had the skylights removed but then I decided I didn’t like the yellow walls so I'm switching that up.

But Rosita and Consuelo have been loving having the room all to themselves and taking advantage of the warm tile floors on these cool mornings. And while Consuelo looks like a lady enjoying the sun, Rosie sprawls out like a drunken whore quite well.

Apparently GOP tool Derrick Van Orden wants California Governor Gavin Newsom arrested for saying Stephen Miller is a fascist but … and this is for the people in the back:

STEPHEN MILLER IS A FASCIST.

PS I found this photo online … has Miller had work done?

Stevan Miladinovic is from Serbia and has a master’s degree in industrial engineering but has been living in Miami and Thailand as a model of late … so Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Catskills Cabin

Nestled atop a hill this peaceful retreat is located less than two hours from New York City. Sitting on 46 acres, you ascend the private driveway winding through forested hillsides and instantly feel calm as this house comes into view.

Thoughtfully sited on the land, the home affords commanding views of the surrounding countryside, and benefits from the integration of passive solar principles. Californian and Japanese architectural influences, plus generous-sized windows throughout, contribute to a Zen-like feel and connection to nature in every space.

The home is constructed using premium materials and finishes: red slate and copper roofing, walls clad in wood shingles and stone sourced from the property, and radiant-heated bluestone floors throughout the first floor. A stone fireplace rises through the center of the double-story living and dining space with overhead beams extending to an impressive curved wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. A suspended balcony overlooks the great room while a dramatic open staircase connects all levels.

In addition to the spacious two-story great room, the first floor comprises a well-appointed kitchen with walk-in pantry, marble counter tops, Wolf oven, Sub Zero fridge, Gaggenau steam oven, and brick pizza oven. Also on the first floor is a primary bedroom suite, laundry area, and a screened-in porch adjacent to the kitchen that’s perfect for morning coffee, evening dining, or an afternoon nap.

The second floor has two additional bedroom suites. The east-facing suite, currently used as office and lounge, features a traditional Japanese Hinoki wood soaking tub in the bathroom. All bathrooms have towel warmers. On the balcony there’s space to sit and read, or simply take in the dramatic and distant view.

The full, unfinished basement has vast storage space—suitable for creating a workshop, studio, or workout space—the mechanical room, and garage parking for two vehicles; a dumb waiter allows for groceries to be easily transferred from car to pantry.

Outside, an extensive open porch flanks two sides of the main entrance. The 46 acres property is mostly wooded with large stone outcroppings and is suitable for hunting or, better yet, hiking along old trails, perfect for nature walks, foraging, and forest bathing. A small creek flows near the westerly boundary across Bethlehem Road.

Nearby towns provide great shopping, dining, and brewery options, while the area also benefits from having a vibrant and growing arts community. And it’s all yours for $1.295M.

Dwell

Meme Dump